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Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Updates on My Friends

After talking so much about my life, I forgot to mention what's up with my friends.

Peruvian Pablo Escobar
Poor Yolanda is living in a hell. As it turned out her landlord, who happens to live in the flat with her, is a soft, Peruvian version of Pablo Escobar. The stories about his dodgy building company setting illegal fires outside Barcelona started to roll in as soon as Yolanda moved in.
It is quite funny, as I was with Yolanda when she viewed the flat. Back then we had no idea.
Her landlord, let's call him Pablo, seemed perfectly fine, polite, down to earth and straight forward. The fact of sharing flat with the landlord itself is a horrible news but at times inevitable. Especially in Barcelona.
Micaela had her hard time too. The first flat she shared, before she moved in with us was in Grazia, where she lived with a Catalan couple. They were horrible to her, especially the landlady who wouldn't let Micaela have her friends over despite the fact that she was having parties and raved until early morning without inviting Micaela. Moreover, she wouldn't register her as a tenant because of her stupid prejudices!
Some people are just like what the fuck?!

Back to Yolanda and Pablo Escobar who seemed like an innocent dude back then.
He restored the whole flat himself, looked like a hard working person who would be out most of the time, certainly not like someone listening to a very tasteless and cringy Latin music and of course watching documentaries about Pablo Escobar!
At some point, by pure coincidence, Yolanda found out he had a rifle in the flat. Scared to death, imagining every possible scenario on how could he kill everyone in the flat by accident or deliberately, especially her, as she was always the one confronting him.
In the end, brave as always, she asked him about it. Yolanda says, she will never forget his face and words that followed: 'If you want to shoot someone, I can lend it to you!'
Utterly stunned and speechless (which I never thought it was possible as Yolanda thrives at speaking) she just looked at him for some time then boldly asked: ' but do you at least have a license for it?'
And he said: 'well of course! I got a license in Peru, you know. No need for another one.'
Of course you need a new license!!!
After that, more dodgy things came up, like the name and age he goes by are actually not real (Melanie, Yolanda's flatmate found his birth certificate by accident when she was cleaning)
The other thing is that Pablo has a lot of brilliant ideas! The most recent one is to have 6 girls in the flat instead of 4 as was the original plan. Mind you, the flat has one bathroom, I mean six girls for one bathroom. That's suicidal! Es que la gente esta muy loca.
My poor Yolanda! At least there's Vermuth that can help in any situation.

Love is in the air
Micaela has a new job! As super creative, hard working and gorgeous woman she managed to get a job in an architecture studio. In the mornings she's been working and in the afternoons she skates to the uni. I'm so proud of her! She had it hard lately,
her boyfriend Jose Armando, who came to visit her before Christmas and stayed in our flat till the end of January, returned to Mexico 2 weeks ago.
They are such a cute couple. The problem is the long distance, of course.
Just before Jose Armando left, Micaela wanted him to tell her that they were oficially a couple.
Jose Armando din't want that! He had his own bad experience with labels.
Yeah, bad experiences can really block you and hurt you in very sensitive places.
Jose Armando said he didn't need the label and that he knew how he felt about Micaela and that was enough for him.
Micaela understood him perfectly but at the same time she knew what she wanted and regardless the feelings were the most important, she needed that label.
Are the labels important if you are happy together and loving each other? Hmmm...
The other day one of Micaela's collegues asked her about Jose Armando. So, is he your boyfriend? Obviously she didn't really know what to say so she replied he was her fuck buddy. There should be another term in the realtionship vocab, something in between lover and boyfriend. I mean how many of us are in Micaela's place? Something like 'lovefuck'?

Tinder business
King Mauricio, has been tindering as usual and dealing with a lot of horny, boring, creepy, gross, sweet and funny guys. He had it super difficult lately. It seems like the courtesy and politness doesn't really exist on Tinder. People come and go, without explanations, being flaky and fake.
He really liked this guy, who he was dating for a bit and who in the end just disappeared without any explanation... Men are beasts.
Mauricio thinks he's Jennifer Aniston. I mean, hey look who she ended up with!
Couple weeks ago Mauricio started to chat with a Polish guy on Tinder, who happened to be visiting Barcelona and in need of an accommodation. Mau wasn't really sure what to do, he didn't know the guy but at the same time it could be fun, right? Why not to be adventures? So, the Polish guy moved in temporarily. He was sweet, on his phone a lot, tried to cook something with beetroot which was not really good.
Anyways when it came to sex between them, he started to behave weirdly like no, you can touch me but don't penetrate me and stuff like that. When Mau was giving him a blowjob he fell asleep. Like, I would kick him out at that point! A friend of mine told me that once he fell asleep while a girl was giving him a blowjob and when she realized that, she bit him. He still has a teeth marks on his dick.
Assuming that the Polish guy is from a Catholic country living in Hungary, which is probably not super gay friendly either, he could have some issues...Or not...
The weirdest thing happened when I was talking to one of my students who casually asked about pronunciation of a Czech name, a Tinder guy he was meeting later that night. I casually mentioned that my friend is seeing this Polish guy...
My student was like: What a coincidence! I met a Polish guy this week too, he's visiting Barcelona and lives in Hungary...
I was like this can't be the same guy!
Well it was! It turned out that the very same day he moved in with us, he was on a date with my student asking him if he could  stay with him for a bit. I mean... That is horrible! Just fucking book a hostel!
Mauricio kicked him out in the end.
Dating is a tough business. I guess you really do need to kiss a lot of Tinder toads before you get the Prince!

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