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Monday, December 19, 2016

My New Life in Barcelona


It's been three months since I moved to Barcelona and I haven't written a word about it. I guess I was busy exploring the city, meeting new people and just enjoying the seemingly never ending heat. Oh boy, how I missed the sweaty and smelly metro, crowded streets, music everywhere, the beach, fast pace, concerts, diversity and movement.

Finding a flat in Barcelona is a torture. Never have I experienced so much drama and stress. It's like a fucking casting! You come in for the flat viewing, breathless after finally finding the place or climbing up thousands of steps (there are no elevators in Gracia area). And there they are: your potential flatmates, super blasé, nonchalant with notepads on their laps asking you questions and rating you. Everything you say is noted down, silent judging faces are making you feel aware of your chipped nail polish, possible food leftovers stuck in your teeth... oh, and you can never be late! If you are, you may as well just not bother turning up. Another important factor is to have cash for the deposit money already in your pocket, better underwear (those who got robbed here know what I'm saying).
Flat viewing feels like a competition and in a way it is. You gotta be lively and bubbly, sane seeming, staying in Barcelona minimum 3 months... The problem is that Barcelona being surrounded by mountains and the sea can't possibly grow bigger which means there's not that much space for all the people moving in or just visiting. I was blessed and found a flat only after couple days which according to many Barcelona citizens is a miracle.

My flat looks like a page from IKEA catalogue
Luckily my flat is very well situated, close to the beach, Ciutadella park, city centre, el Raval and the port. I had no idea about the location or who lived here as I just wanted to have a room to leave my things in and place to sleep asap. My first flatmates were two guys and a girl. The two of them left within a month and only one of them still lives with me.
Lara left after couple weeks and I got her room. The one I stayed at before was super small and had only one closet. Many rooms in Barcelona have windows facing to a narrow space between the two buildings, where the natural light doesn't fall. Therefore you gotta have the lights on all day. I was so happy when she moved out leaving the furniture she bought behind. After she left, Mauricio got her room.
Aldo is the guy who still lives with me. He's a nice guy, super chilled and seems like he's not interested in anything but smoking weed, playing video games and eating greasy food. Like he genuinely thinks fried sausages, bacon and chips are healthy. Once he said being vegetarian is just a fashion and it actually isn’t healthy. It was difficult not to hit him with an ashtray. Some people are so fucking ignorant! Lately, he's been smoking quite a lot of weed judging from the excruciating aroma attacking the entire flat everytime he opens his bedroom door. There are these occasional questionable moments when he just walks into the living room and stares at you...Oh boy, I hope he won't get paranoid or forget to turn off the stove one day. 
The other ex flatmate or shall I say a fucked up dick, fortunately left. 
Picture a surgeon, an educated person who spent last year in India travelling, meeting famous surgeons trying to learn from them. A splendid picture, huh? Well the reality was tremendously different. Once, he came back from a conference in England and asked me: 'why didn't you tell me that Peckham (the area he stayed at in London) was a black neighbourhood? You know, it's just I was always wearing beautiful clothes and looked so elegant...' 
I was stunned, speechless, like did he just say that?
Then my friend came to visit me and somehow they ended up talking about rape case that happened in Spain. Basically his point was that women get raped because they are better at manipulating. My friend, who is doing her PhD on Virginia Woolf and teaching in university, went mental. He even said: imagine I'd rape you... Like who the fuck says that? I guess the rapist.... 
Moreover he called my darling flatmate Mauricio a faggot.                                
He never cleaned or bought anything, constantly left his facial hair (we hope it was only the facial hair) all over the bathroom and the fucking shit marks in the toilet!!!
I tried to feel sorry for him. Living with him for almost two months, I have never seen him with a friend, he was 30 year old surgeon sharing flat with strangers...Obviously having issues and staff. But I simply don't feel sorry for that fucker who is an ignorant and narcissist, never being able to see, recognize or acknowledge how fucked up he is.

Mauricio and Micaela, my absolutely gorgeous flatmates
Life in my flat turned out to be a titillating paradise after Mauricio and then Micaela moved in. 
I was introduced to Mau through Laura, a friend who said he was looking for a room. Poor Mau staying in a hostel for almost a month not being able to find a place. My first thought about him was that boy, he really eats a lot! I remember we went to see Barcelona city ballet performing in Ciutadella park and he just ate so much!  He's the funniest, sweetest, bitchiest hottie with ass that even Kim Kardashian would envy. Mau is a total morning person, jumping and smiling all the time when I just wanna die. We are partners in crime, always trying to get the best cosmetic deals, moving through life as glamorously as possible causing nothing but drama. He was almost having sex in the park, me actually having it on the street. But that's another story...
I admire his language skills (English, Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese and now Catalan. Ok so far he can only say colours and furniture names in Catalan) and gym dedication (everyday for an hour including the weekend. Not kidding).
Everyone likes Mau because he's so funny and honest. Once he went to a bar where his friends were waiting for him and left after an hour saying there's nobody to flirt with so I may as well just go home. He's a Tinder king who always gets morning dick pics.
Micaela moved in after the surgeon bitch left. I was so worried we'd get another low life but luckily it was a total opposite. She's intelligent, smart and interesting and she takes no bullshit from anyone! It's good to be surrounded by a strong woman. She is the Queen of quiche. We teach each other how to cook survival food.

With these two living with me I feel beyond happy. We talk, laugh and bitch all the time. Three girls! It's just nice to feel at home.

Yolanda Arancina is one of the funniest and coolest people in the whole entire world. We met through a common friend and since then, we've been pretty much inseparable. Yolanda is a petit woman with the hottest ass ever. She's studying neuropsychology and working in one of the hospitals here. When she wants something, she gets it and won't leave you in peace until you give it to her. She always makes me laugh saying things like: 'you know I hate these guys who don't know what they want and say all the time: hmmm, maybe, I don't know...How do you call them in English? Pussymen?!
Or when she's slightly drunk, trying to get us to Apolo club and asks the security guy: Perdona, donde esta la entrada principal a la polla?

To be continued...

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