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Sunday, February 14, 2016

My First Period Memory

I used to be a tomboy up till I was 12. My mother kept my hair short and because of that I felt strangely powerless. To me having a long hair meant certain control and possibilities. Girls throwing their hair could cause an insatiable fire. Long hair spread on the pillow, long hair flowing in the air painfully releasing the sweet fragrance.
Back then when I was a teenager all hair smelled like strawberries to me. I felt incompetent comparing myself to the rest of girls and I sort of gave up an tried to hang out with boys instead. It was so painful for me because deep down I was an absolute girly girl. That kind of a 12 year old who would rollerblade with heart shaped sunglasses blowing bubbles.
One day as I was walking back home from school, Milo joined me. Milo was one of the prettiest boys in the school and also my neighbour. We grew up together, building  tree houses and snowmen. We used to tell each other campfire stories. He was the first boy I truly liked even though it was obvious he thought of me as his little sister.
All the girls liked him and always begged me to send him secret messages and hearts drawings. I actually never delivered them and kept them in my music box.
Milo and I were walking home. I remember it was a sunny spring day and I wore my favourite overalls. Milo was talking about football and how much he hated cutting the grass. He actually smelled like fresh cut grass and I couldn't take my eyes off of his crooked smile.
I never felt spring so intensely and also I felt wet between my legs. I got frightened and quickly wrapped a shirt around my waist. Milo seemed to notice something changed, the air was spicier and even the power lines seemed to shiver. As we arrived home, he looked at me and smiled gently.
When I got home I've noticed the blood on my Little Mermaid knickers. It felt like a strawberry syrup was pouring out of me. I hurt a little and I also realised that I wanted my hair long.

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